Where Have I Seen Tek Jansen Before?
Tek is the protagonist in Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne, A Tek Jansen Novel and in the Alpha Squad Seven animated series on the Colbert Report.
Think James Bond in space, only with more girlfriends. Hundreds and hundreds of girlfriends.
What We Learned From Tek Jansen by Reading Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne, A Tek Jansen Novel and by Viewing Viewing Alpha Squad 7 Episodes
Tek has obviously had hundreds of girlfriends.
There are litter-sweeping custodimatons in the future.
In order to acquire "the alloy," Tek engaged Abraxxia in round after round of Uranian Megasex. Abraxia is Tek's most sensual nemesis and wears a lot of metal, including a muffin baking dish.
Argana was trampled by a swampi-pede, but saved thanks to tobacco and the 22nd century scientists who discovered tobacco's antibiotic properties.
One can sneak into the heavily guarded fortress of Zamovan, evil General Secretary of the United Planets, on the cloaked moon of planet Tuturbia, by dressing as an android, saying, "I am binary unit zero-one-zero reporting to get into the fortress gate, Bleep, Blort," and then blasting the guard with your laser.
The phrase "pa-rum-pum" can be used to add gravitas or levity to any situation.
The Brazilian is trying to kill New Earth's cloud supply and has an army of Magwad Henchmen.
Tek has obviously had hundreds of girlfriends.
Tek conquered the pirates of Silky Cove.
Tek was blackmailed by Ziktor "The Clam" Fazalous.
"Mars Blackmon," "Apollo Creed," "Saturn Ion," "Solar plexus," "Haley's Comet!" and "Venus Flytrap!" are expletives in the future.
Sometime the women you make sweet love to turn into ravenous crab-like creatures.
There's such a thing as being under "Alpha Arrest."
The Rekelian-Hgbwian Conflict is tearing the Planetary Parliament apart.
Space Station Theta-Zeus-Aquarius is not the easiest place to dock.
A Mutato-saurus can attack you anywhere, at anytime. Consider yourself forewarned.
The Harlem Globetrotters were safely returned to 1972.Quadrant 5 has a bad case of the Rasalgethian Plague.
Juiliaxx has quad breasts.
Tek selflessly offered to fight the Bislarnian Battlewedge mano-a-warship.
The Bislarnian Battlewedge is susceptible to the "Big Gun," as well as weather satellites, enclosed space carnivals, planets with "X marks the spot" markings, and small suns.
There is a combatosphere orbiting over Asteroid Z.
You can pick a magnabolt with a hairpin.
You can repair a detached aorta with sterile gauze, a babcock clamp, 6 kilopints of blood and a hairpin to cut with.
"Sutures, massage the heart, I can see the head, fire aft torpedos, breath, damnit, breath, live, damnit, live, and push. You're heart is fixed and you have a beautiful baby boy."
Berzerkerberries, although delicious and ripe, make you go insane.
Two Teks have obviously had thousands of girlfriends.
Tek doesn't put up with too much starch on his dry cleaned shirts.
Stay out of caves.
An eggbeater is the best weapon against man-sized, anthropomorphic eggs.
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